If it was because of a scar in your heart that caused you to change... I accept it
If it was because someone hurt you so badly that caused you to change...I accept it
If it was because of this, you start to change to who you are today...I accept it
'Cause I'm your friend and I'm supposed to be there for you and if you were looking for some source to heal this pain...I'll be there...because I'm your friend and if this was how it was going to be...I won't blame you cause you were hurt too. I would forgive you and understand you...I would be there for you...even though it means hurting myself :')

Because...well, I am your friend. Haha~ and probably because I can get over it...and will get over it haha again~as long if it mends that heart of yours...anything will be fine with me...'Cause...
I'm your friend :)

Haha~

No matter how many times one goes through a heartbreak... never can she get used to it...nor can she ignore it...and in the end it still hurts like crap...

A forgiveness that never came...

Dear you,



Hey! It has been 3 months now... How are you? I just wanna know whether you're doing OK in your homework. Or are you getting enough help that you need... I know I wasn't the best help you had... I couldn't finish what I've started...I've never finished what I've started... So you probably think I'm quite worthless to begin with well, erm...I'm sorry...

I just wanna know how have you been because I know how you are and you're always not tellin anyone stuff...I always wanted to be the one you would tell stuff to...Let's just say I was almost there =( OK... getting a little personal...=.=



Well, there's just so much things I wanna know...Are your lifetime dreams still the same? Do you still want to achieve the things you once told me about? One of the reasons I still have mine cause you wanna be one too and you're not giving up and maybe one day we can be I dunno== friends?=.= I just wanna ask so many things but I dunno where to start...cause I don't even know how our friendship sort of partially ended...I don't know what I wanna know...I wanna know if you've forgiven me...I wanna know if you've changed...I wanna know...well I dunno... :)

Haha anyway, it's been 3 months so...I won't blame you if you don't want to =.=



anyway...I'm fine here...I know you don't wanna know..er...You should've came too! You should come this Septemeber! Haha hopefully you will...erm...

what else?



Just update me on things happening k?

cause I wanna know and I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry...





Sandra



It's not that I didn't care...It's because well I dunno I was probably a bitch after I found another source of happiness... but I couldn't help it (lookin for excuses for myself=.=Well now I've got my 报应 haha...) well I really thought I couldnt cause I didnt know what to do next...I gave up hope I didnt know what my next step should be I was expecting a forgiveness one day..anyday...but it never came...I'm sorry but I really care and as a friend I wanna know...



I'm typin it on my blog for a reason... haha cause I know...that no matter where I type it...There wouldn't be a reply...

Forgive me? =.= haiz 算了啦。。。

I once thought about loads of things how things changed the past few months and that so many conflicts going on...How am I supposed to solve everything blah blah blah well it's a 38 persons basic instincts I guess haha...then I notice that I have sooo many issues myself...Haha...CHeers people~! I once thought I've learnt a lot of life lessons and stuff but I just found out that there are still so many more...and maybe sometimes they're just the same ones repeating themselves over and over again...But even if it does, it still doesn't make it any easier trying to get through them...all over again...especially if it's concerning our loved ones...And I have so many issues now...I'm freakin out=.=

Spending less time on Facebook because it shows me things that I don't wanna see...
Spending less time on Skype because people keep telling me things that I don't wanna hear...

I'm halfway across the world struggling...That's why I'm keeping myself busy
because I know it's just me...

Spending less time on things that make me feel closer to you...because the truth is...You're so far away...

I never knew... I never guessed that you would go around doing the same thing to other girls...
I admit it was me... I never liked you or maybe I was just about to...again but I dunno... I just know that i feel like crap now...In fact, I feel worse than that...

Sometimes it's just really maybe you try to hard...
some things just don't go the way you want them to be... trying harder is just not working out... sigh

If we could just stop all this...
If we could just rewind time...
If we could just understand...
If we could just tolerate...
If we could just stop doing childish things...
If we could just stop and think...
If we could just pretend nothing happened...
If we could stop being prejudice...
If we could just all have a new start...
If we could just stop hating...
If we could just stop hating each other...
But I know now's a little too late...But I still wish it wasn't true...
Ha what am I sayin they're all nothing but 'If's

This wasn't how things were meant to be... High School Drama was supposed to happen between us and other people...So that us great friends can sit around and talk about it, gossip about it...It wasn't supposed to happen between the 'us' we've built a long time ago...Even if it does, we're supposed to get through it together...Learn from our mistakes...Feel sorry if we do something wrong...Not feel happy or proud about it...We tell each other what's wrong...We understand, we admit, we tolerate, we apologize, we change...we forgive...High School Drama was supposed to be a lesson for us...Not something that brings us apart...High School Drama was supposed to end a month ago when we ended high school=.=... High School Drama should have been left behind a long time ago...It wasn't supposed to follow on...High School Drama was supposed to prove to us how strong we stand...How friendship bonds were stronger than ANY type of chemical bond...High School Drama should have ended...So that we can still be great friends at the end of it...And know how much we need each other at the end of the day...Even Toy Story characters learn better than we do =( High School Drama wasn't supposed to live on...Especially not among us...


High School Drama was just drama! It was just a play...Can we all stop acting now...?


Love,
Sandra.
in tears...


P/S: I rather everything were my fault, I'm sorry...I really am...Please...just stop...
And everything would be back to normal again...

I guess I took everything for granted, I always thought I didn't have to worry about my friends...This friendship we have...would always be there...we were always one...always together...although maybe not physically...but at least mentally...sometimes it's not about who wins a war...It's not about who lays down their pride or whatever...It's not about how only we feel...It's not about looking desperate or clinging onto...It's not about who wants or doesn't...It's about 'us', remember? the thing we spent years building... the thing we covered our blood and sweat in =P (Sounds disgusting but yeah=.=) the thing we put all our trust in...The thing we put all our patience in...The thing we all once knew it would last...or should I say, the thing we all once thought it would last=(... the thing we all once hoped it would last...Everybody thinks they're right..in what they're doing...thinking this is some form of revenge and stuff...thinking that it's alright to lose one or two friends...
If we could just care about how she or he feels...I'm sorry to all of you...I'm sorry for sending that message to you...I shouldn't have said anything...I should have just shut up...I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions from one side of the story...We know each other too well...We know he or she wouldn't do such a thing...Things that would hurt our friends...I dunno who's fault is it...I dunno who's to blame...And if we just could stop blaming each other...I'm sorry...

退让一步，海阔天空。。。

Even if you wanna start from, "Hi, my name is Sandra, what's yours?" I'm willing to...And I'm gonna try my best to keep this friendship alive...one way or another...
I'm keeping all of you...for now... =)