No matter how many times one goes through a heartbreak... never can she get used to it...nor can she ignore it...and in the end it still hurts like crap...

A forgiveness that never came...

Dear you,



Hey! It has been 3 months now... How are you? I just wanna know whether you're doing OK in your homework. Or are you getting enough help that you need... I know I wasn't the best help you had... I couldn't finish what I've started...I've never finished what I've started... So you probably think I'm quite worthless to begin with well, erm...I'm sorry...

I just wanna know how have you been because I know how you are and you're always not tellin anyone stuff...I always wanted to be the one you would tell stuff to...Let's just say I was almost there =( OK... getting a little personal...=.=



Well, there's just so much things I wanna know...Are your lifetime dreams still the same? Do you still want to achieve the things you once told me about? One of the reasons I still have mine cause you wanna be one too and you're not giving up and maybe one day we can be I dunno== friends?=.= I just wanna ask so many things but I dunno where to start...cause I don't even know how our friendship sort of partially ended...I don't know what I wanna know...I wanna know if you've forgiven me...I wanna know if you've changed...I wanna know...well I dunno... :)

Haha anyway, it's been 3 months so...I won't blame you if you don't want to =.=



anyway...I'm fine here...I know you don't wanna know..er...You should've came too! You should come this Septemeber! Haha hopefully you will...erm...

what else?



Just update me on things happening k?

cause I wanna know and I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry...





Sandra



It's not that I didn't care...It's because well I dunno I was probably a bitch after I found another source of happiness... but I couldn't help it (lookin for excuses for myself=.=Well now I've got my 报应 haha...) well I really thought I couldnt cause I didnt know what to do next...I gave up hope I didnt know what my next step should be I was expecting a forgiveness one day..anyday...but it never came...I'm sorry but I really care and as a friend I wanna know...



I'm typin it on my blog for a reason... haha cause I know...that no matter where I type it...There wouldn't be a reply...

Forgive me? =.= haiz 算了啦。。。

I once thought about loads of things how things changed the past few months and that so many conflicts going on...How am I supposed to solve everything blah blah blah well it's a 38 persons basic instincts I guess haha...then I notice that I have sooo many issues myself...Haha...CHeers people~! I once thought I've learnt a lot of life lessons and stuff but I just found out that there are still so many more...and maybe sometimes they're just the same ones repeating themselves over and over again...But even if it does, it still doesn't make it any easier trying to get through them...all over again...especially if it's concerning our loved ones...And I have so many issues now...I'm freakin out=.=

Spending less time on Facebook because it shows me things that I don't wanna see...
Spending less time on Skype because people keep telling me things that I don't wanna hear...

I'm halfway across the world struggling...That's why I'm keeping myself busy
because I know it's just me...

Spending less time on things that make me feel closer to you...because the truth is...You're so far away...

I never knew... I never guessed that you would go around doing the same thing to other girls...
I admit it was me... I never liked you or maybe I was just about to...again but I dunno... I just know that i feel like crap now...In fact, I feel worse than that...

Sometimes it's just really maybe you try to hard...
some things just don't go the way you want them to be... trying harder is just not working out... sigh

If we could just stop all this...
If we could just rewind time...
If we could just understand...
If we could just tolerate...
If we could just stop doing childish things...
If we could just stop and think...
If we could just pretend nothing happened...
If we could stop being prejudice...
If we could just all have a new start...
If we could just stop hating...
If we could just stop hating each other...
But I know now's a little too late...But I still wish it wasn't true...
Ha what am I sayin they're all nothing but 'If's

This wasn't how things were meant to be... High School Drama was supposed to happen between us and other people...So that us great friends can sit around and talk about it, gossip about it...It wasn't supposed to happen between the 'us' we've built a long time ago...Even if it does, we're supposed to get through it together...Learn from our mistakes...Feel sorry if we do something wrong...Not feel happy or proud about it...We tell each other what's wrong...We understand, we admit, we tolerate, we apologize, we change...we forgive...High School Drama was supposed to be a lesson for us...Not something that brings us apart...High School Drama was supposed to end a month ago when we ended high school=.=... High School Drama should have been left behind a long time ago...It wasn't supposed to follow on...High School Drama was supposed to prove to us how strong we stand...How friendship bonds were stronger than ANY type of chemical bond...High School Drama should have ended...So that we can still be great friends at the end of it...And know how much we need each other at the end of the day...Even Toy Story characters learn better than we do =( High School Drama wasn't supposed to live on...Especially not among us...


High School Drama was just drama! It was just a play...Can we all stop acting now...?


Love,
Sandra.
in tears...


P/S: I rather everything were my fault, I'm sorry...I really am...Please...just stop...
And everything would be back to normal again...

I guess I took everything for granted, I always thought I didn't have to worry about my friends...This friendship we have...would always be there...we were always one...always together...although maybe not physically...but at least mentally...sometimes it's not about who wins a war...It's not about who lays down their pride or whatever...It's not about how only we feel...It's not about looking desperate or clinging onto...It's not about who wants or doesn't...It's about 'us', remember? the thing we spent years building... the thing we covered our blood and sweat in =P (Sounds disgusting but yeah=.=) the thing we put all our trust in...The thing we put all our patience in...The thing we all once knew it would last...or should I say, the thing we all once thought it would last=(... the thing we all once hoped it would last...Everybody thinks they're right..in what they're doing...thinking this is some form of revenge and stuff...thinking that it's alright to lose one or two friends...
If we could just care about how she or he feels...I'm sorry to all of you...I'm sorry for sending that message to you...I shouldn't have said anything...I should have just shut up...I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions from one side of the story...We know each other too well...We know he or she wouldn't do such a thing...Things that would hurt our friends...I dunno who's fault is it...I dunno who's to blame...And if we just could stop blaming each other...I'm sorry...

退让一步，海阔天空。。。

Even if you wanna start from, "Hi, my name is Sandra, what's yours?" I'm willing to...And I'm gonna try my best to keep this friendship alive...one way or another...
I'm keeping all of you...for now... =)

Good Morning SUNSHINE~~!!! or should I say Good morning to the gloomy clouds hovering overhead=.=
Meet English Weather, known for it's depressing-ness, gloominess and greyness..=.= It is now already 10 pm here and it's time for me to sleep :) but it is time for the TAwaunese to wake up and at least you get to shout Hello Shunshine=.=
The sun does not rise until it's 8am at my place=.= and it sets at what 5pm? very short daylight indeed~
Well I guess it's cool that we have this variety of weather instead of having a hot sun dangling up in the sky all day or should I say whole year =) ahah no? anywayyyyyyyyyyy
I'm stuck in a little town called Shrewsbury(it's not bad y know haha) and it's raining almost everyday it's like its weather pattern=.= can't do much about it haha It was snowing Last Friday though and the whole school was blanketed in pure white snow =)
THe snow was just the right depth, not too thick to drench all our boots or any kinda shoe=.=, just thick enough for a snowball or a failure snowman =)
Well today is a Friday which makes tomorrow a Saturday (well duhhhhhh =.=) and routines on saturday's is that we have tests=.=
yeap on every saturday yipee=.=

Guess I could adapt to this lifestyle, I mean I'm so much hardworking than before! It's maybe due to prep time though=.= (Note: prep time is a time when you do your own homework or revision)
I have so many activities I could join, a well equipped gym/ sports hall etc.
ha im busy busy all the way and i like that feeling-being busy
Wake up 7am
Breakfast 7.50am
Tutor 8.40am
Class 9am
break 11am
class 11.20am
lunch 12.30pm
class 1.20pm
finsh school at 4pm=.=
twilight time is for activities or breaktime
prep is 5.30pm to 6.30pm
Supper 6.30pm tp 7.10pm
Prep 7.10pm to 8.10pm
then you could go to the gym bla bla bla
until 10 you go back to your room
=)
all these apply on week days it's different on sats and suns
sat room check time is 1 am teehee haaha after tests you can do anythin you want ahha except get drunk/smoke/take drugs=.=
sun is a free day =)
there you have it my lifestyle that's gonna be for a year and a half
cheers~! everyone and i hope everyone's having a great life too~ back home or anywhere in the world Play Hard Study Hard =) cheers~! and may all dreams be achieved one day~
I guess this is how ppl feel when they start to grow up?? ==
haha seeya~!