Insecurities. Insecurities. Insecurities.
Ruminatin on what people think about me.
Ruminatin on what the future will be like.
Over thinkin about all the things I can find to over think about.
I have to admit it's tiring.
I'm not a patient person.
So many things that I want to say. So many things I want to do.
Yet I feel like I'm wasting my days away just like that.
Just because I need to stop and think about so many things.
I dunno if I've grown over the past few years. To a more confident and more mature person. Sometimes, I just don't feel it.
And then I wonder if I will ever grow up to be that more confident and more mature person that I wanna be.
When we were younger, we used to think that the adults are always right. Whatever they say whatever they do. Then you grow up to see that they have their flaws too.
Then I would wonder if I can ever grow out of the bad habits and the flaws of mine.
Sometimes I ruminate about how people treat me. How I can interpret what I mean to a person by how they treat me. But then I don't treat people very well myself. I would have given the same response I was given. Then I have to think that I should not care because only those that matter matter.
People always say you have to live humbly but the too humble will get pushed over. Too confident and you're labelled pushy.
Just tryin to live by a principle now: There is no black or white in this world. There is no right or wrong. You just have to use your own way to get what you want. Just believe in yourself. And believe what you're doing is right. And maybe you'll get there.
Because people can't see their own mistakes. I admit I am blind to mine. Whatever we do is a matter of character. So there's no point giving someone a rule book printed in black and white and pointin out their flaws to them cause they can't see them.
Life at 20. Just tryin to find a way up and forward. Just tryin to find myself.
Maybe it's just all this communication training in school. Like don't judge and stuff. Always accept others with an open mind. All this empathizing skills taught me to always walk a mile or two in someone else's shoes before making conclusions about them. Because they probably walked a thousand and I am no where close to knowing how they feel. Now I've made a practice of, before judging someone or thinking negatively about their actions or words, I think about their story. I believe that everyone was once pure, turned into something they're not by some event in their life. Always understand and forgive but never, ever forget. I will forgive but I am not going to be a pushover. I will tell you when I am not happy about something but I will also tell you how grateful I am to have you in my life. Keep the close ones close and push the rest out of the circle. So if you've got a pass to be in my inner circle, I hope you keep it well and cherish it as much as I cherish you.  Cause I really do and it would be pretty obvious if I like you. Or I don't.  ❤